Goodbye, Marketing Emails
Time for a digital cleanse!
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Feeling anxious yet?
Confession time. Black Friday did me dirty this year. So. There’s this brand. It’s a beautiful brand that does beautiful clothes. It’d been on the radar for a while, with the occasional Instagram ad, or I’d fangirl over a shot of an influencer in a dress, just to click and find it linked to that brand. I knew Black Friday was approaching. They knew Black Friday was approaching. I knew that they knew that I knew Black Friday was approaching.
In I went, ensnared by the promise of discounts and transformation, because that is the ultimate allure of new clothes. In my haste to save money by spending it, I’d forgotten all the lessons I’d learnt before.
I’d bought a cripplingly expensive dress from Reformation in April the previous year, and kept it despite it not really suiting me. The expectations I put on this outfit – it was my Cinderella dress. It would make me beautiful and it would take my pain and sadness away. Of course, because it didn’t fully suit me, I didn’t feel comfortable, so I wore a coat over this expensive gown until I’d consumed enough alcohol to stop feeling self-conscious. It didn’t change my life either. It was just a dress, and I was the same person I’d been before.
Author’s note: See here the direct consequence of consuming too many rom-coms and romance novels. Anyway.
But the clothes and the discounts called, and I added to basket, one after the other. Something read: ‘final sale’. In my daydreaming, I didn’t think about what that might mean. There was a note that flashed up about taxes, but I closed it. They’ll be included in the price, I assumed.
Pressed ‘buy’, approved the payment in my banking app, barely blinking at the fact that I was already deep in my overdraft. Mistake made. Black Friday completed.
To cut a long story short, I ended up very reluctantly paying £200 in taxes so that these clothes would be shipped to me, and I found out a couple of days ago that they don’t do free international returns, so I’ll have to pay shipping to send it back. And of course, final sale items are non-refundable.
The clothes arrived and they were nice enough, but in the harsh light of day, once again, they had neither changed my life or fulfilled me. The expense and the drama of getting them had also taken away from any joy I might have found in wearing them. Keep an eye on my Vinted over the next few weeks, is all I’m saying. Sigh.
I then swore off online shopping. Until, about six weeks later, I had an event and needed a pair of shoes to go with the dress I ordered. So naturally, I bought six pairs of heels (intending to return a few and therefore make the money back and also because there was a sale and really I was saving money). I also needed some pants that weren’t five years old / with holes in / so huge you could attach them to a mast and sail merrily away. So instead of heading to M&S like a sensible person, I saw that an eco-friendly underwear shop were selling one pair of bamboo pants (buy a pair and they plant a mangrove tree or something) for a bargainous £8 down from £18. So naturally I partook. Here we go again. You get the picture.
Is this looking a bit Diary of a Shopaholic to you?
I noticed that my phone case was getting a bit slimy, as they do, so I had a quick flick through Amazon, but none there took my fancy. Then I remembered Pela which do eco-friendly cases. Great! They had a ‘buy two get two free’ discount (do I need four phone cases? No!) and I was milling around and experimentally adding cases to my basket. 15% off for new customers? Perfect! Take my email and my phone number. I was going to get one case, then I saw that you needed two more pounds to quality for free delivery. Naturally, I added another one, and before I knew it, I was considering spending SEVENTY FIVE POUNDS on a pair of eco-friendly phone cases.
Before you think it, I know I have a problem, but I actually drew the line here. I closed the tab and tried to forget about how nice my phone would look with a new case.
However. However. Like a fool, I’d handed over my details. Every single day since I first looked at the cases, I’ve had a text and an email from Pela. And it isn’t just them. The people I bought wool from once (she knitteth, ladies and gents) email at least twice a week if not more. The unmentionable dress company once a week. Lego, Free Prints, Uber (last took an Uber about a year ago), Google, University of Exeter alumni service (sorry lads) and so many more that I’ve unsubscribed from over the years.
These companies are relentless, and they count on the fact that it’s going to take you far more energy to unsubscribe than it will for you to delete the email and stay on their mailing lists, and that just one time, a discount or headline will catch your eye long enough to lure you in. Frodo had orcs hunting him, we have company marketing departments.
As you will know from last week’s newsletter, my only resolution this year is to look after myself. Technically a part of that is related to my financial health (aka no more overdraft) as well as general inbox peace of mind.
I took out my laptop, opened my emails, and began to viciously unsubscribe from everything. Anyone who has emailed me marketing in the last three months is gone. And good riddance.
Next, I went to Substack. I’m subscribed to 21 publications (including my own because as Mama Ru says: if you can’t love yourself how the hell you gonna love somebody else amen). I love Substack and I love the Substacks I subscribe to, but I asked myself if I still found value in their writing as I think being intentional with what you spend your time reading is really important. Some of them are so much for paid subscribers that I never get more then a few lines of writing (I do pay for some subscriptions but you can’t pay for them all!) which is quite frustrating. Others had gone quiet and not posted for months or longer. And others were no longer providing the content I was interested in. It feels mean but it’s definitely better in the long run, for you and the writer.
And finally, the tabs on Google Chrome. Over 100, with shopping baskets and links to things I wanted to read but hadn’t got round to, all blinking at me. I went through one by one and removed every single one that didn’t need to be there, especially the shopping baskets.
While you’re at it, what else are you subscribed to? Amazon Prime and Netflix and Sky Movies and Paramount Plus and Disney Plus? Take a look at the old bank statement and have a look at the main regular withdrawals. For example, I recently realised that I’ve been subscribed to Microsoft Word for six months while also having free access to it through university.
Ironically, as I was writing this newsletter, an email popped through from Costa Beans telling me my three beans were going to be removed because I hadn’t visited a Costa in 12 months. A tiny part of my brain went – oop, better go visit. But not today! Unsubscribed. They can take my beans but they’ll never take my spirit.
Phone apps are deeply sneaky and brightly coloured. They seem to accumulate out of nowhere and before you know it, you’re out of storage. Give them a scan. Do you still need ‘Driving Theory Practice’ six years after passing your test? What about Deliveroo?
I could not recommend this exercise enough, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed with your inbox. Take back some of the power and take yourself off the list. Freedom waits on the other side.
I would also pay someone good money to take away my devices and debit cards next Black Friday, please and thank you.
